11 februari 2014


For the millionth time, perhaps, she looked at the sea. A peacock 
butterfly now spread himself upon the teasle, fresh and newly emerged, 
as the blue and chocolate down on his wings testified. Mrs. Pascoe went 
indoors, fetched a cream pan, came out, and stood scouring it. Her face 
was assuredly not soft, sensual, or lecherous, but hard, wise, wholesome 
rather, signifying in a room full of sophisticated people the flesh and 
blood of life. She would tell a lie, though, as soon as the truth. 
Behind her on the wall hung a large dried skate. Shut up in the parlour 
she prized mats, china mugs, and photographs, though the mouldy little 
room was saved from the salt breeze only by the depth of a brick, and 
between lace curtains you saw the gannet drop like a stone, and on 
stormy days the gulls came shuddering through the air, and the steamers' 
lights were now high, now deep. Melancholy were the sounds on a winter's 

Jacob's Room 
Virginia Woolf

27 januari 2014

Only in my head


I scream. 
I curse. 
In fact I curse a lot. 
I constantly miscall everyone who only gets me a little bit irritated. 
That colleague that's constantly whining, the teenager who only thinks of herself when she bumps into me, people who make me feel like crap. 
I yell at them with the meanest worsts you can ever imagine. 

But not that you will hear anything. 
No you won't. 
I won't let any sound pass my mouth. 
I scream in my head. 
Only in my head. 

Everything is only in my head. 
Thats my curse. 
I think too much. 
Sometimes I wished I could just live by the day and be happy like other people. 
But I'm too worried. Fear takes over like a silent killer. As the silence before the storm it clouds my mind. Happy thoughts are out or reach. 

Life sometimes feels kind of fake. So many things I did if I were able. Like I must be doing so much, but anxiety paralyzes. I keep on staring at the blank pages before me, waiting desperately to be filled with the most beautiful things, but they remain blank. 

Fear is a lie. 
A big fat lie. 
It is a lie that keeps you far away from your dreams. 
A lie that controls your every move and thought, that makes you feel worthless and empty. 
I didn't mean to scream, I didn't mean to hurt people with words. I'm someone who naturally loves anyone. But there's something in my head, a sickness I need to fight against. 

Seek the truth an you shall find freedom. 
That's what I will do from now on.

27 december 2013

Party Chique

              I love Christmas…..

22 oktober 2013


I transformed myself into an alien

7 oktober 2013

Could this be Paradise?

Could this be Paradise?
When I become the universe and the universe becomes me.
When I try to remember dreams between sleeping and being awake.
When the flowers, the birds, the butterflies, the sea and the galaxy, who are trapped in my mind, are bursting out of my brain unto the blank paper before me.
When colors are blinding my eyes while I stay black and white.

It's all imagination.
It is all made up.
I don't know what it looks like or feels like or smells like.
The word is rooted in my mind, my unconsciousness, my dreams.
I feel as if I'm lost.
I stand in the perfect symmetry of existence but I'm not part of it.
I am colorblind.

29 september 2013

Last days of summer