27 januari 2014
Only in my head
#THISISMYSTORY #LOVENAILTREE #Lookbook
In fact I curse a lot.
I constantly miscall everyone who only gets me a little bit irritated.
That colleague that's constantly whining, the teenager who only thinks of herself when she bumps into me, people who make me feel like crap.
I yell at them with the meanest worsts you can ever imagine.
But not that you will hear anything.
No you won't.
I won't let any sound pass my mouth.
I scream in my head.
Only in my head.
Everything is only in my head.
Thats my curse.
I think too much.
Sometimes I wished I could just live by the day and be happy like other people.
But I'm too worried. Fear takes over like a silent killer. As the silence before the storm it clouds my mind. Happy thoughts are out or reach.
Life sometimes feels kind of fake. So many things I did if I were able. Like I must be doing so much, but anxiety paralyzes. I keep on staring at the blank pages before me, waiting desperately to be filled with the most beautiful things, but they remain blank.
Fear is a lie.
A big fat lie.
It is a lie that keeps you far away from your dreams.
A lie that controls your every move and thought, that makes you feel worthless and empty.
I didn't mean to scream, I didn't mean to hurt people with words. I'm someone who naturally loves anyone. But there's something in my head, a sickness I need to fight against.
Seek the truth an you shall find freedom.
That's what I will do from now on.